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3.14

Walking into a room of strangers

Talk to the first person standing alone, and expect that they will probably be glad you did.

A woman wearing a name tag smiling as she talks with someone she has just met at a social event
Photo: Nicole Sabilia / Pexels
Area: PeopleFrom age 16Time to learn: 10 minutes to learn; 3 or 4 events of practice

You will be able to walk into a party, event or new job where you know no one and start a conversation.

Why it matters

People tend to underestimate how much strangers want to talk. In experiments, commuters asked to talk to a stranger had a more pleasant trip than those who sat alone, though other commuters predicted the opposite. Even short chats with acquaintances are linked to feeling happier and more connected.

How to do it

  1. Before you go in, set a small goal: two conversations of a few minutes each.
  2. Walk in, pause, and look for someone standing alone or a group of three with a gap.
  3. Walk over, make eye contact and smile.
  4. Use a plain opener tied to the place: 'Hi, I'm Jordan. How do you know the host?' or 'Is this your first time at one of these?'
  5. Ask a follow-up about their answer, then share something about yourself.
  6. When someone else joins, introduce them: 'This is Sam. We were just talking about...'
  7. After a few minutes, leave politely: 'Great to meet you. I'm going to grab a drink.'
  8. Afterwards, note one name and one fact about each person so you can follow up.

Common mistakes

  • Standing by the wall on your phone.
  • Waiting to be approached.
  • Breaking into a pair having a private talk.
  • Staying with one person all night because leaving feels rude.
You can do this when …you can go into a room where you know no one and leave having had at least two real conversations.

Sources

  1. Epley and Schroeder, Mistakenly seeking solitude (Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 2014)
  2. Boothby et al., The liking gap in conversations (Psychological Science, 2018)
  3. Sandstrom and Dunn, The surprising power of weak ties (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2014)

Sources and numbers last checked . How we check

Go deeper

GuideHow to Make Friends as an AdultSchool gave you friends by putting you in the same room every day. Adult life does not. Here is what the research says friendship takes, and a step-by-step method built on it.

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