3 People
How to make and keep friends, talk to strangers, disagree well, apologise properly and hold your own at work.
Principle 3. Build relationships on a few learnable habits: ask, listen, say what you mean and repair what you break.
All 17 People lessons
In Manual order
3.1 · PeopleIntroducing yourself and asking a question back
3.2 · PeopleAsking a question in front of a group
3.3 · PeopleApologising properly
3.4 · PeopleDisagreeing without insults
3.5 · PeopleWriting a clear email, subject line to sign-off
3.6 · PeopleComforting someone who is crying
3.7 · PeopleWhat to say to someone who lost a loved one
3.8 · PeopleSaying no without an excuse
3.9 · PeoplePhoning a business
3.10 · PeopleHow to burp a newborn
3.11 · PeopleAsking for consent
3.12 · PeopleResigning from a job in writing
3.13 · PeopleAnswering interview questions with the STAR method
3.14 · PeopleWalking into a room of strangers
3.15 · PeopleHow to write an obituary
3.16 · PeopleSpeaking up in a meeting
3.17 · PeoplePausing an argument
People topics
All topics
Principle 3 and its rules
Numbers are fixed, so you can cite them3. Build relationships on a few learnable habits: ask, listen, say what you mean and repair what you break.
Strong relationships are linked to longer life. A review of 148 studies with 308,849 people found that those with stronger social ties had a 50% greater likelihood of survival during follow-up. That is a link, not proof of cause. People also misjudge each other. In experiments, they underestimated how much strangers wanted to talk and how much a new conversation partner liked them, and overestimated how much others noticed what they said in a group.
- 3.1Make the first move: talk to the person standing alone, say your name, and ask a follow-up question about their answer.
- 3.2In a group, ask your question in one plain sentence, and bring one prepared point to every meeting.
- 3.3Say what you mean: say no early and briefly without inventing a reason, and write down what you want before you phone a business.
- 3.4Argue about ideas, not people. When your heart is racing, pause for at least 20 minutes and name the time you will come back.
- 3.5Apologise in full: name what you did, take responsibility and offer to repair it, with no “but”.
- 3.6Ask before you act: ask an upset person what they need before you offer a fix, and wait for a clear yes before each step of intimate contact, then accept a no without pressure.
- 3.7Prepare for the big conversations at work: answer interview questions with one true example, and resign in person first, then in writing, with an exact last day.
